


The Melody Lingers On

by Brittsie



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Friends to Lovers, Historical, Historical Inaccuracy, Homophobia, M/M, Secret Relationship, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-01-26 12:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1688546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brittsie/pseuds/Brittsie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years following the beginning of their friendship in 1935, best friends Kurt and Blaine end up in a much more complicated relationship. While navigating their love in a world that has yet to understand, Kurt gets drafted into the Second World War.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**September 1935**

It’s a Tuesday in September when Blaine finds himself standing up to Phillip Thompson, the school bully, for a boy he doesn’t know. The small boy is hunched in on himself and his eyes glisten with tears that threaten to fall out. Phillip, with his angry pinched face stands over him, tall and intimidating. Phillip is eleven, just like Blaine, but looking at him you would never guess. He’s tall, bulky, and aggressive. Phillip spends most of his time terrorizing other kids; so seeing him looming over someone isn’t foreign. Some kids watch from a distance as Phillip yells at the chubby-cheeked boy.

“Look at you, you’re such a girl!” Phillip says in disgust. “A pansy little faggot. I bet-“

“Stop it, Phillip” Blaine interrupts. He doesn’t remember opening his mouth in the first place. Phillip turns to stare at Blaine, his eyes angry, and full of hatred for whoever decided to butt in. Blaine does his best to stand tall and confident.

“What did you say to me?” Phillip says, turning from the cowering boy to walk towards Blaine.

“I told you to leave him alone” Blaine states, his voice unwavering. Phillip’s in his personal space now. He looks right at Blaine as if daring him to do something. Blaine stares back, eyes slanting with challenge. Phillip looks away first.

“I don’t need this” Phillip spits, slinking away. Blaine waits until Phillip is far in the distance before turning to look at the boy, who has successfully rubbed away any hint of tears. There’s still redness in his cheeks, which Blaine thinks might be embarrassment.

“I’m sorry he was bullying you” Blaine apologizes

“It’s fine, I’m used to it. Thank you for defending me though. You didn’t have to do that.” The boy replies, his body straightened and confident. If it were not for the redness in his pale face, Blaine would think he had made the last few minutes up in his mind. “I’m not usually such a baby, I think he just caught me off guard.” Blaine’s stunned by the boy, who seems like almost a completely different person then the one who had been risking tears. He turns to walk away when Blaine sticks out his arm.

“I’m Blaine” The boy hesitantly takes Blaine’s hand in his own and firmly shakes it.

“Kurt”

Suddenly one of the teachers is ringing the bell and yelling for everybody to get to class and Kurt snaps back to reality.

“I’ll see you around” Blaine says before jogging into the school. He doesn’t miss the look of shock on Kurt’s face. In class, Blaine can’t seem to focus, his thoughts always going back to Kurt. How the boy had responded to Blaine with reluctance and weariness, like he thought Blaine would rescue him only to throw Kurt in the fire himself. Blaine thinks back to what Phillip had called Kurt. Blaine wasn’t one hundred percent sure on the meaning but it was a word his father used when stories came on the news, or as he read the morning paper at breakfast. It was something he spat with disgust, like it was poisonous, so Blaine knew that it wasn’t a very nice thing to say or be. Soon Blaine’s teacher is dismissing the class and so Blaine stops thinking about Kurt and packs up his books.

 

At dinner, Blaine pushes his food around his plate. He mashes the carrots and stirs them into the potatoes and gravy. His glass of water sits untouched. If Blaine’s parents notice they don’t say anything, instead his dad complains about whatever it is that has come to his mind. Right now he’s discussing which of his employees he had to lay off this time. Blaine’s father, Gregory Anderson, is the owner and boss of Anderson Co., a local business firm.

“I’m glad I did too, lazy incompetent asshole. When I gave him the slip he started crying like a girl,” the older Anderson says. Blaine notices the way his fathers nose scrunches in disgust, and the way he says ‘girl’ like Blaine says ‘homework’. “Told him to get the hell out of my building. Not my fault times are tough, it’s that goddamn Roosevelt whose getting everyone fired.” His father continues his rant, and Blaine zones out; he’s heard his father’s complaints of Franklin Roosevelt one too many times. They’re repetitive boring, and often involve blaming the president for the countries debt. Whatever that is. Blaine doesn’t care either way, as far as he can tell it isn’t affecting his father, minus the inconvenience of laying people off, so why he’s complaining Blaine doesn’t know. At least they aren’t living like that one kid in Blaine’s class, Sam Evans, who Blaine has seen in lines for the soup kitchen more than once, and who wears the same ratty T-Shirt everyday.

When dinner is done, Blaine helps his mother do the dishes then trudges up to his room. He puts on his Tommy Dorsey record and flops onto his bed. His mind flips back to Kurt, and the way he blinked back his tears like nothing. The way Kurt’s wavered as he told Blaine he was used to being picked on. Blaine draws the conclusion that Kurt hasn’t had many friends before. Blaine hasn’t either. A light bulb goes off in his mind and by the time Blaine dozes off he has an idea on how to change that.

 

*

 

When Blaine gets to school the next day, he immediately looks for Kurt. He eventually finds the boy curled under a willow tree reading a book. Leaves surround Kurt, and Blaine has to push a few out of the way to sit beside him. The rustling makes Kurt look up at Blaine, and instantly Kurt’s shoulders stiffen.

“What are you reading?” Blaine asks. Kurt dog-ears his page and shuts his book.

“Just because you helped me with one bully, doesn’t make us best friends” Kurt snaps. Blaine is taken back by the harshness edging Kurt’s voice. He thinks back to yesterday and how fearful Kurt had seemed. Sitting in front of him now was like sitting in front of someone entirely different. Which seemed silly. Blaine barely knew the kid at all and to already come to conclusions about Kurt was dumb. Yet, looking at Kurt he could see that his lip quivered slightly. It was obvious that he was afraid that Blaine would hurt him.

“I know” Blaine finally replies

“Then why are you talking to me?” Kurt asks. Blaine, for a second wonders himself why he feels so drawn to Kurt and why he’s so eager to befriend him.

“You seem lonely” Blaine answers truthfully.

“Just because I don’t have people surrounding me, doesn’t mean I’m lonely” Kurt scoffs. That hits a little too close to home for Blaine. It’s the exact thing he’s said to his parents time and time again. Blaine’s never had many friends, sure the boys liked him just fine and the girls always give him shy glances but Blaine hasn’t really talked to them outside of school. Instead he spends time alone, working on model cars and listening to Fred Astaire on the record player his father had bought him. He knows that his parents wish that he would go to birthday parties, and sleepovers but frankly Blaine likes having time to his self. He has never really felt lonely, but now there’s something in him egging him to befriend Kurt. A part of his brain telling him that he can’t be lonely forever. Maybe Kurt feels the same way because when Blaine finally answers,

“I just thought that maybe we could be friends. I don’t really have any either.” Kurt’s gaze softens slightly, and he relaxes his shoulders. Blaine’s lips upturn softly, and Kurt returns it slightly.

“Yeah, okay” Kurt says setting his book beside him. Conversation doesn't flow quiet as easy as Blaine was hoping it would- but at least they end up talking. By the time one of the teachers is calling the kids inside, Kurt's posture is completely relaxed. Blaine doesn't want to get up from his spot beside Kurt but he knows that if he stays under the tree that there will be consequences. The day has been pretty good so far and Blaine doesn't want to ruin it by getting the strap. Blaine brushes dirt off his britches.

"I'll see you later Kurt" Blaine says, waving goodbye. Kurt waves back with a wide smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**October 1935**  
“And this is my room!” Blaine cheers, gesturing into the room excitedly. It had taken a lot of persuading but Blaine had finally managed to get Kurt to come to his house. One of the most popular topics for them to discuss under the willow tree from the first day was music. Blaine and Kurt both shared a love for it. For over a month Blaine had been trying to get Kurt to come to his house to listen to Blaine’s favourite record- Fred Astaire. Kurt had never listened to him and Blaine was desperate to change that. “I swear he’s got the voice of an angel. You have to hear him.” Blaine fiddles with his record player as Kurt stands in the middle of the room awkwardly- not quite sure what to do. “You can sit on my bed if you want. I don’t mind.”  
“Thank you” Kurt replies as he moves to sit on the very edge of Blaine’s bed. The silence is deafening. It hasn’t been this quiet between them since their first meeting under the willow tree. This is also the first time they’ve hung out anywhere but that tree so maybe it’s why they’re both so silent. Allowing Kurt into his house feels like a bigger step- a cementing of their friendship. Blaine manages to get the music on and Fred Astaire’s melodious voice fills the room. Blaine turns towards Kurt and manages a smile. He flops himself down beside Kurt, his belly on the blue striped comforter and right arm supporting his head as Blaine looks up at Kurt, who’s still sat on the very edge of the bed.  
“Do you know how to long divide? I can’t figure it out no matter how many times Mrs. Taylor explains it.” Blaine says. He refuses to let this be awkward; he wants to hang out more with Kurt and that’ll be hard to do if they can’t have a conversation outside of the school fence.  
“Kind of. I can’t do it with a number bigger than a hundred though.” They ease into conversation. As time goes by Blaine and Kurt both relax. Kurt eventually lies beside Blaine on the bed. He’s got his head propped on a light blue pillow and his face tilted to look at Blaine. They’re in the middle of discussing some of their favorite stars when the record begins playing a recognizable tune.  
“Oh this is one is my favourite song!” Blaine jumps up from his spot on the bed and dances a waltz by himself. “Our romance won’t end on a sorrowful note, though by tomorrow you’re gone...” Blaine sings as Kurt watches him with amusement. Blaine twirls around the room and without thinking he grabs Kurt’s hands and pulls him off the bed. Kurt just kind of sways for a moment and Blaine panic’s slightly. His mother always told him he was too clingy for his own good. As the song continues he gets more into it- much to Blaine’s relief. “The way we danced till three. The way you changed my life...” Blaine still hasn’t let go of Kurt’s hands but neither of them seems to really mind. They sway back and forth in a two-step. The music becomes a quiet hum in the back of Blaine’s mind. Blaine can feel himself smiling as he sings along to the song. Kurt has a light smile on his face as he watches Blaine sing along. “No, they can’t take that away. Can’t take that away. Can’t take that away from me…” The song fades out to a new one. Their bodies are pressed together. Blaine can’t seem to tear his eyes away from Kurt’s. They stand like that for a while. Then reluctantly Blaine lets go of Kurt’s hands and Kurt steps away. Blaine feels disappointed about the loss Kurt’s body heat but shakes it off.  
“So how about that long division?” 

**December 1935**  
After that first afternoon at Blaine’s house, Kurt and Blaine’s friendship grows stronger then ever. After schools they take the bus to Blaine’s house and do their homework together. The hum of Blaine’s record player is a constant sound. They haven’t had a repeat of the incident from October but sometimes, late at night he wishes that they would. He liked feeling Kurt pressed against him with their hands held together. Blaine tries to ignore it. He knows that he shouldn’t want to hold Kurt’s hand.  
The snow crunches under Blaine’s boots as he makes his way to Kurt’s house. It’s the first Saturday of Christmas break and Blaine has a red package clutched in his hands. Blaine makes his way up the Kurt’s front porch and knocks on the door. Burt Hummel, a tall bulky man, answers the door.  
“Hello, Mr. Hummel” Blaine smiles. Along with Kurt’s friendship comes Kurt’s dad. He had made Blaine a little nervous at first, the man looked like he could step on Blaine. But a few reassuring words from Kurt and a dinner with the two Hummel’s and Blaine learned that Burt was actually very kind.  
“Hey Blaine, come on in. Kurt’s in his room.” Burt says. Blaine nods. He toes off his shoes and bounds happily up the stairs. He raps on the door twice.  
“Come in!” Kurt is on his bed with a book in his hands. He smiles when he sees Blaine. “Hey”  
“Merry Christmas!” Blaine says.  
“It’s not Christmas yet, silly.” Blaine rolls his eyes.  
“I know that. But since your going to visit your grandparents in Columbia for the next week I thought we could celebrate now,” Blaine says sitting next to Kurt, “which is why I brought you this.” Blaine hands over the carefully wrapped gift and Kurt takes it gently. He looks at Blaine curiously.  
“What is it?” Kurt asks, flipping the package around in his hands.  
“Open it and find out.” Kurt peels back the paper slowly. The red packaging comes off to reveal a Boswell Sisters record. “I noticed you really liked this one when we listened to it at my house.” Kurt looks up from the gift to Blaine, his eyes sparkling.  
“I- I don’t know what to say. Thank you Blaine” Kurt embraces him tightly. When he lets go, Kurt frowns slightly, “I didn’t get you anything.”  
“That’s okay, Kurt. I don’t need anything.”  
“I still feel bad. You got me this amazing record and I didn’t even make you a card. ” Kurt states. Blaine shrugs. He doesn’t care that Kurt didn’t get him anything. If he could go back with full knowledge, he’d buy Kurt the record anyway. “You’re my best friend and I didn’t get you anything-“  
“Honestly Kurt it doesn’t matter. I’d have bought you the record even if it wasn’t Christmas,” Blaine says honestly.  
“It’s technically not Christmas,” Kurt mumbles. He puts the record in his player and he and Blaine sing along for the rest of the afternoon.

 **January 1935**  
When Kurt returns home from Columbus he strides over to Blaine’s with pride. There’s an envelope in his hand that Blaine takes with curiosity. Inside is a single sheet of paper. It’s been folded with precision and has a drawn picture of a car on it. Blaine opens it up.  
Dear Blaine,  
Sorry I’m such a bad friend. This is a very formal invitation to join me at the willow tree. Hopefully it’ll make up for my incompetence.  
Your awful friend,  
Kurt.  
Blaine looks up from the card to Kurt who rocks back and forth nervously.  
“I know you said that you didn’t care but I felt guilty. You’re my best friend and sometimes I forget just how lucky I am to have you in my life. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t stood up for me a couple months ago. If anything, you didn’t have to get me a gift. So I have a surprise for you.” Kurt says, his eyes never leaving Blaine’s.  
“You’re my best friend too, Kurt.”  
“Then follow me?” Kurt asks and Blaine nods. He yells to his mom that he’s going out and grabs his coat. Just like the card said, Kurt takes Blaine to the willow tree at the school’s playground. Kurt pushes back the leafless branches to get to the trunk. Blaine follows in suit. Kurt turns to look at Blaine with a nervous smile. “I-it seems kind of silly now but I couldn’t really afford to get you anything major.” Kurt moves slightly to the left to reveal part of the tree’s base. Carved into the bark with Kurt’s handwriting ‘K  & B. Friends ‘til the end’  
“Kurt-“  
“I know it’s dumb”  
“No not at all. I think it’s wonderful. That’s what we are right, friends until the end?” Blaine asks  
“I was hoping so. Otherwise the cut I got on my finger was for nothing” Kurt jokes, his nerves gone. Blaine laughs happily before hugging Kurt tightly. Before they leave, Blaine gives one last look at the tree, where a permanent reminder of their friendship sits happily.


	3. Chapter 3

**April 1936**  
“Happy birthday to you!” the group cheers as Blaine blows out the candles on his small cake. His parents smile at the back of the room. Blaine’s mom shakes out a picture she’s just taken. A few friendlier kids from his class are there to help celebrate the occasion. Out of them all, Kurt stands tall in the front, clapping happily. The past few months had been progressive. Ever since that January afternoon, his and Kurt’s friendship had been stronger then ever. The only time they were really apart was during the night, much to his parent’s amusement. Blaine’s mother constantly teased about how she knew he needed a friend while his father continued to complain about the economy.  
His mom cuts the cake so all six kids get an equal sized piece. The cake is chocolate- Blaine’s favourite; he helped his mom make it himself. His classmates share their delight over its taste, which makes Blaine beam with pride. His father had been discontent at first, saying that baking should be left for the women. Blaine had put up a fight and in the end won with his ‘it’s my birthday’ argument. Still, Blaine notices his father purse his lips as Blaine takes credit for the cake with pride. There’s cake left over when everyone leaves but his father refuses to try some. He mumbles something about disappointment before disappearing to his study. Blaine tries not to get upset and stares at his ceiling while Harry Richman plays. 

*

Blaine tries not to look bored while his father tries to teach him how to hook bait. It’s still fairly cold but the ice on the lake has melted. Which is why Blaine has found himself on a small boat ‘bonding’ with his father. The older Anderson had said that now that Blaine was twelve he was the perfect age for fishing. Blaine disagreed. He just couldn’t find the appeal in sitting quietly for hours; his dad wouldn’t even let him hum, afraid it would scare the fish. Blaine holds back a yawn. They had been out since five that morning- it was nearing noon now. They had yet to catch something useful.  
“Now you try Blaine. I can’t do it for you every time” his dad says while holding out the can of worms. Blaine wrinkles his nose as he takes one in his hand. The worm is wet and squishy in his hand and slides around his fingers. Blaine fiddles around with the worm and his hook, wishing he had paid more attention earlier. “How’s school?”  
“It’s okay. Math is hard though.” Blaine says, all his focus on his hook. His tongue pokes out of his mouth slightly. The worm continues to slide around in his hand.  
“I guess it hasn’t gotten easier then it was when I was a boy. I remember every math hour I’d try to distract the teacher as long as I could,” Blaine’s dad says, chuckling at the memory. Blaine looks up quickly to give his father a small smile. He still can’t get the stupid worm onto his hook. There’s a lull in the conversation. The sound of sloshing water and seagulls takes over. Blaine’s father looks out to the middle of the lake; he appears to be deep in thought. “You know I met your mother when I was twelve” his father says. Blaine continues to look at his hook but his face is etched with curiosity. He wonders where this is going. “Have you met any nice girls, Blaine?” Blaine’s head snaps up.  
“I- I mean there-there isn’t really any mean girls” Blaine stutters. His father raises an eyebrow.  
“That’s not what I mean, Blaine,” he says.  
“Then what do you mean?” Blaine asks, already knowing the answer.  
“Have any girls caught your eye?” his father smirks. Blaine doesn’t know how to respond. He knows that a lot of girls in his class are pretty; he isn’t blind. The boys in his class are finally leaving the ‘girls have cooties stage’ and Blaine has been one of the many ears listening to the boys he sits with at lunch before they can go outside. They talk about the girls filling out and other crude remarks that make Blaine uncomfortable. He knows Quinn Fabray has the softest looking hair; he just doesn’t want to run his hands through it. He doesn’t want to kiss her or do any of the things the other guys fantasize about. Blaine knows she’s pretty; he just doesn’t care as much as the other guys. He can’t imagine himself kissing any of the girls in his class. Not Rachel Berry with her loud mouth and brown eyes, or Brittany Pierce who is taller then her fellow females and is about as bright as the crayon she writes with.  
So when Blaine’s dad asks him about girls Blaine isn’t sure what to say. He just doesn’t see any of the girls that way. Blaine opens his mouth to say so but nothing comes out. His dad is looking at him with so much hope that Blaine just can’t say that. So he goes with his safest option.  
“I mean- Santana Lopez is…pretty” Blaine stumbles out and it isn’t exactly a lie, she is pretty. He just doesn’t think so in the way his dad thinks he does. Besides, her dad’s a doctor and Blaine knows how much things like that matter to his father. His father smiles and Blaine wavers a small one in return. He tries his hardest not to care that he’s lying to his father. 

*

“Do you have a crush on anyone?” Blaine asks Kurt a few days later. Kurt looks up from Blaine’s record collection, fingers grasping a Savoy Orpheans record.  
“Why?” Kurt responds. He sets the record back down and moves to sit across from Blaine. Blaine runs his fingers over his blue striped duvet and tries to use the comfort of the blanket to calm his heart.  
“Well, when my dad and I went on that fishing trip the other day- he asked me about girls,” Blaine says, he watches himself flex and un-flex his toes, “and I realized that I don’t- I don’t like any of them like that.”  
“So now you’re wondering if you’re a freak, right?” Kurt asks  
“Yeah pretty much” Blaine says. Kurt takes a long time to respond. Blaine finally looks up from his feet and locks eyes with his best friend. Kurt is biting his lip like he does when he’s thinking carefully. Blaine hopes he speaks soon or the pounding in his own heart might kill him. He shouldn’t have said anything, he thinks. He should’ve just kept quiet and let his petty worries eat him alive.  
“Well if not liking any girls makes you a freak, then I’ll join you in the show. I don’t have a crush on anyone either,” Kurt finally says. Blaine gives a sigh of relief. When they return to school the following day and Noah Puckerman is making his usual comments Blaine doesn’t fidget like usual. He looks towards Kurt’s table on the other side of the room and when they lock eyes, Kurt smiles and Blaine gives a toothy grin in return. There’s a comfort in knowing you aren’t quite as alone as you thought. 

**June 1936**  
Blaine doesn’t worry about his lack of attraction again until Rachel’s end of the school year pool party. She’s invited the entire fifth grade class and while the majority doesn’t really like her, they’re willing to tolerate her for use of her family’s pool. The party has already started when Blaine arrives. There’s a tiny radio set on the porch playing jazz music. Blaine’s classmates are all over the backyard and pool. Noah and his friends are sitting on some lounge chairs pointing at some of the swimsuit-clad girls. Blaine debates going over, if only for something to do, but then he spots a bored looking Kurt at the other end. Kurt appears to be listening to Rachel talk about something excitedly. He approaches the two of them slowly, not wanting to interrupt Rachel’s speech. Kurt spots him and his face brightens, making Blaine’s stomach swoop.  
“Blaine you made it!” Rachel says happily, stopping her own monologue.  
“Sorry I’m late, I couldn’t find my swim wear” Blaine apologizes. Rachel waves her hand dismissively.  
“There’s still food so you’re not that late. Just make sure you try some of my mom’s cookies before Sam eats them all.” Rachel says before leaving to talk to some of their other classmates. Blaine decides to listen to her advice. He remembers when Mrs. Berry had made cupcakes for a bake sale and they were to die for. No way is he missing out on her baking.  
“You want to grab some cookies with me?” Blaine asks Kurt. He nods. They make their way to the small table set up with an array of snacks. Blaine takes two cookies and hands one to Kurt. They both grab a handful of chips and make their way to some of the chairs set up in the grass. They make small talk as they munch at their snacks.  
“I’m so ready for this summer. It’s going to be the best one ever” Blaine exclaims.  
“How do you know, it’s barely started” Kurt teases. Blaine gives him a look.  
“Because you’re here this time,” Blaine says, “normally I just paint model cars until my hands have three layers of paint on them. But now that I have you, we can do all sorts of things.” Kurt gives a shy smile, pink colours his cheeks. Blaine looks at him fondly, an easy smile on his lips. He really can’t wait to spend the summer with his best friend.  
There’s a loud splash and then some of the girls’ scream and Blaine’s attention is pulled from Kurt to the sound. One of the boys, Carter, is in the pool looking up at a group of soaking girls apologetically. The girl in the middle huffs and walks away, her friends follow closely behind. Carter flicks his dark hair out of his eyes before climbing out of the pool. His shorts cling to his body and Blaine can’t seem to look away from the boy’s torso. Blaine’s heart rate picks up and he bites his lip slightly.  
“Why go to a pool party if you’re not willing to get wet?” Kurt asks, snapping Blaine back to reality. Blaine gives a shaky laugh. He can’t really seem to think coherently. Blaine wants to turn back to where Carter is shaking out his hair but thinks better of it. Later, when Brittany starts jumping around in the pool, her blonde hair shining in the sun, Blaine wonders why he can’t seem to feel the same about her well-fitting bathing suit as he does about Carter’s.

**July 1936**  
Blaine hates himself, hates his thoughts. He tries to make sense of his dream; a vivid image of a faceless man on top of him, kissing him and touching him plays over in his mind. Blaine finds that he likes it. Likes the way his heart pounds and heat pools to his belly. Then he remembers that he’s thinking of another man and feels ashamed. Why is this happening to him? When he tries to replace the image with a woman he finds it unpleasing, then goes back to the original thought.  
Why was he thinking this way? And why did he have a dream like- that- in the first place. He’d had feelings similar since Rachel’s party but he’d never dreamed about it. He never even dared to think about Carter’s body for more then a few seconds. Now here Blaine was, lying under his covers, teasing himself with images of being touched. He imagines it’s someone else’s hand touching him. Imagines it’s a boy who’s giving him pleasure. Finally Blaine cries out and remove his hand. He lies in bed for a few more minutes, until the stickiness is uncomfortable and the shame is unbearable. 

*

He continues the cycle for a few weeks- dream, pleasure, and then guilt over and over. All the while Blaine tries to make sense of it. He realizes he likes boys. He’d be stupid if he didn’t know that much. What Blaine can’t figure out is why. He can’t understand why he doesn’t like girls that way. Why can’t he vision images of naked girls instead of boys like a normal guy? Blaine thinks about asking someone then thinks better of it. It’s best if he doesn’t say anything.  
Then after three weeks of confusing guilt, Blaine learns to accept it. It’s not like he’s doing anything wrong. He hasn’t actually touched another boy. He can still grow up, marry a girl, and then put this part of his life behind him. He pretends that the thought of never being with a boy doesn’t make him wilt.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about not updating in over a year, I am complete trash. My computer fucked up a while back and I wasn't up to re-writing. Hopefully I can update more frequently now that I have more time and a computer that works.

**August, 1938**  
By the time Blaine is fourteen he becomes used to his feelings for boys and the guilt becomes acceptance. He figures there’s nothing wrong as long as he doesn’t act upon his desires. The guy in his dreams remains faceless, which makes things easier. Then at the end of August, it takes a turn for worse.  
It’s a windy Sunday afternoon. Blaine’s still dressed in his Sunday best as he walks down the street to Kurt’s house. The wind whips Blaine’s hair around, some coming free from the gel and flying in front of his eyes. When he finally makes it to Kurt’s house, Blaine’s hair is a mess of half-gelled curls. Burt answers the door and gestures for Blaine to come in.  
“Afternoon, Mr. Hummel” Blaine greets.  
“Quite windy, huh?” Burt jokes as he shuts the door. Blaine grins sheepishly, “Kurt’s in his room, you can go right in.”  
“Thanks, Mr. Hummel” Blaine says. He makes his way down to the basement Kurt’s claimed for his own. Music drifts up the stairs and gets louder with each step Blaine takes down them. “Hey Kurt!” Blaine calls as he reaches the bottom step, looking into the room. Kurt’s stood by his desk, shirtless. Kurt’s pale stomach is flat and smooth. He squeaks in surprise as Blaine quickly looks away. Both of them go red and Blaine stammers an apology. “I-I’m sorry. I-I didn’t realize..”  
“I-It’s fine, I wa-was just caught off guard.” Kurt says. Blaine keeps his eyes closed until Kurt tells him he can open them. When Blaine looks back into the room Kurt has on a shirt almost as red as his face. From the heat on his own cheeks, Blaine can tell his face is the same shade. The two boys look at each other silently, not sure what to say. Blaine’s trying not to gaze back down at his friend’s torso, even though he knows that Kurt’s got a shirt on now. Kurt finally opens his mouth, “hi”. They both giggle and the tension disappears.  
The rest of the afternoon goes by smoothly, but Blaine has to continuously push the thought of Kurt’s chest out of his mind. That night the faceless guy changes to one with a smooth chest, and the shadow over his face develops blue eyes. Blaine wakes up knowing he just dreamt of his best friend in a compromising position. He feels ashamed about it being the best dream yet. 

**September, 1938**  
The first week of high school is confusing for Blaine. He can’t understand the school for the life of him. The students are bigger, the classes harder, and the social groups more exclusive. Luckily Blaine has Kurt. During that first week they stick together to learn the unstated rules of McKinley High.  
Then one night at dinner Blaine’s father asks when football practice starts and Blaine realizes that his father expects him to join. If he were to be honest, Blaine would tell his father that he doesn’t want to join the team- all the boys are much larger and meaner than Blaine would ever want to be. He likes football, just not enough to be killed during practice. Instead of telling his father this Blaine shrugs.  
“Next week, sir”  
“Then you might want to add a few more of those greens to your plate, you’ll need the strength.” His father scoops a spoonful of peas onto Blaine’s plate before proceeding to talk about the promise Roosevelt is showing. Blaine sighs and eats a forkful of peas.  
The next day at school, Blaine signs up for the football team, much to Kurt’s dismay.  
“You’re going to get yourself killed Blaine. One member of the football team is the equivalent of about six yous.” Kurt worries as he watches Blaine neatly write his name on the tryout sheet.  
“I’m not going to die, Kurt, at worst I’ll break my spine” Blaine tries to joke, Kurt looks at him skeptically.  
“Why don’t you just join the choir with me? I know you love to sing, and you won’t be risking hospitalization. Plus I’ll be there.” Kurt says. Blaine adjusts his satchel and turns to walk down the hall. Kurt follows in perfect sync.  
“I want to, I really do but that’s not what my dad wants me to do”  
“You don’t have to spend your life pleasing your dad” Kurt reminds Blaine  
“I know, and I’m not going to. I just want to make him proud, you know?” Blaine says. Kurt gives him an understanding smile.  
“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.” Kurt had told Blaine all about his mother's death and his father's attempts to keep he and Kurt afloat. Many afternoons under the willow tree or in Kurt’s room had been spent discussing how badly Kurt wanted to bring his father pride. Blaine had wanted to do the same thing for his father. It was just one of the many ways the two boys were similar.  
“I think the excitement on his face when I win my first game will be worth it” Blaine continues, as he approaches his locker. He twists in the code and opens it with ease, shoving his bag into the metal container. The bell rings loudly and students begin their shuffle to class.  
“If you really think it’ll make your dad happy, then go for it. I’ll be in those stands right beside him, mainly worrying about your well being.” 

Blaine does make the football team, much to his father’s delight. Practices become Blaine’s number one priority with the first game only two weeks away. More often than not, Blaine comes home smelling of sweat with his hair plastered to his forehead. While he may be tiny, he’s still an important member of the team. With his speed, Coach Tanaka tells him, he’ll be able to slip between the bigger players and get touchdowns without being touched. The overweight gym teacher doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing but Blaine still hopes that the coach is right.  
Due to all the practices, Blaine rarely has time to talk to Kurt. After making the team, the other members swooped Blaine into their world. He sits with the football team and cheerleaders at lunch, settled between Noah Puckerman and Santana Lopez. Blaine feels bad about leaving Kurt alone; his eyes settle on Kurt at a table with some of the other choir kids whom are chatting noisily. He misses Kurt. He yearns for the days where they spent lunch huddled under their tree talking about any and everything. On the other side of the cafeteria, Kurt laughs at something one of the girls beside him said. Blaine wishes he were the one making Kurt laugh. They haven’t had a real conversation since the day Blaine started football.  
Puck nudges Blaine’s arm, causing him to look away from Kurt. “Dude, you’ve been mashing your carrots for like, 3 minutes, you okay?” Blaine nods, giving one more quick glance at Kurt before jumping into a conversation about yesterday's practice. 

Later he finds himself singing along to Fred Astaire’s record. Blaine wonders briefly what kind of songs Kurt sings in choir. From the numerous record sing-a-longs they’ve done Blaine knows how amazing Kurt’s voice is. Many times Blaine would end up closing his eyes and block out everything but Kurt’s voice. It was hard to describe it- light yet so powerful, able to move Blaine and make him feel an array of emotion. A couple minutes later and the sound would stop and Blaine would open his eyes only to find Kurt looking at him with his eyebrow raised.  
Blaine does the same thing now, his mind straining to hear Kurt singing. Only now when Blaine opens his eyes he doesn’t see Kurt standing above him, hands firmly placed on hips and an amused look on his lips. No, when Blaine opens his eyes all he sees is his record player slowly turning the last notes of the record. Blaine sighs.

**November, 1938**  
The next few months aren’t any easier for Blaine and he feels himself drifting. Blaine wonders if Kurt misses him as much as he misses Kurt. When Blaine sneaks a glance at Kurt in the hallway at school, Kurt’s surrounded by all of his choir friends and laughing at a joke Artie Abrams must have told, judging from the smirk on the wheelchair bound boy’s face. Swallowing a frown, Blaine turns back to the conversation Dave Karofsky and Puck are having about the new cheerio uniforms. Blaine listens and wonders why he didn’t notice how the skirts rise mid-thigh when the cheerleaders bounce around and why that fact doesn’t excite him like it does the other football players.

It’s been two months since Blaine’s talked with Kurt. He misses their dancing to records and discussions of Bette Davis’ latest outfit. More than anything Blaine wants to have a discussion that doesn’t involve Brittany Pierce’s breasts. If there was one thing Blaine could rely on when it came to conversations with Kurt, it was that they never lacked substance. A heavy weight had been placed on Blaine’s heart and only grew larger the more he thought of Kurt. There were a couple times after school when Blaine would walk by Kurt’s house and hover outside debating whether or not to knock on the door. He never did.  
On this particular Saturday, Blaine found himself yet again outside Kurt’s house. Even with his thick jacket done up and his scarf pulled up to his chin, Blaine’s breath still swirled in white puffs around him, disappearing quickly in the chilly air. He had been to Kurt’s house plenty of times and didn’t know why he was struggling to be there now. Yet, as Blaine raised his fist to knock, he found himself freezing from fear. What if Kurt had forgotten about him? It was possible; Kurt had made many friends in choir who probably talked to him all the time, unlike Blaine who hadn’t bothered to speak to Kurt in almost three months. Biting his lip, Blaine turns away from Kurt’s door and speed walks back to the sidewalk. Giving one last glance at his best friend’s house, Blaine leaves. Instead of walking home, Blaine finds himself walking to his old primary school. He stands in playground gazing upon his surroundings until his eyes lock onto a familiar willow tree. The leaves have long since fallen off but the swooping branches still offer protection from the outside world. When Blaine pushes aside the branches, he half expects to see Kurt sitting in the snow and declaring how much he’s missed Blaine. But instead Blaine finds himself alone. He walks up to the trunk and brushes his fingers along the letters that had carefully been crafted by Kurt, years before, ‘K & B. Friends ‘til the end.’ His vision fogs and the words begin to blur as tears fall down his cheeks. Blaine misses Kurt. He misses his laughter and his singing and the looks of pure trust Kurt would give Blaine as they danced together to their favourite songs. Blaine knows that it’s his fault they don’t talk anymore. He could’ve joined the choir, no one said he could only be in one extracurricular and heck, Sam Evans does both football and choir so why couldn’t Blaine? Blaine feels like his whole world is falling apart and he has no one to talk to about. The only person Blaine could talk about his feelings to was Kurt and now Kurt probably hated him. Blaine traces the words carved permanently onto the tree and wonders why their friendship couldn’t also last forever.  
Just as Blaine is ready to lay in the snow and stay there until the cold eventually takes him, he hears snow crunching under someone’s boots and see’s the branches of the willow shift.  
“Blaine?,” questions a soft familiar voice that Blaine can’t help but smile at, “I saw you standing on the doorstep. I was going to come let you in but you were gone before I coul-.” The voice is interrupted by Blaine hugging them tight.  
“Kurt! I’m so sorry I haven’t spoken to you in forever. I just thought you forgot about me and you looked like you didn’t need me anymore because you had all those other friends so I didn’t want to burden you but I’ve missed you so much.” Blaine confesses, not loosening his grip on Kurt who in turn looks shocked.  
“I could never forget you. How could you even think that?” Kurt asks concerned. Blaine lets go of Kurt, embarrassed. He suddenly feels like he’s four and not fourteen.  
“I don’t know”  
“You’re my best friend, I’m always going to need you” Kurt says sincerely, and he looks at Blaine so genuinely that Blaine thinks he might start crying again.  
“I need you too.” Kurt takes Blaine into his arms and holds him, rubbing his mittened hands up and down Blaine’s back, an intimate gesture Blaine had forgotten the feeling of. So many times in the last few months Blaine had wished to find himself hugging Kurt that he had forgotten what it actually felt like. Blaine digs his face into the crook of Kurt’s neck and vows to do whatever it takes to make sure they never drift apart again.


End file.
